What is your deal?
So today I got another one of those scriptural slaps to the face. I was reading this passage from 1 Peter 5:1-5. Over the past couple of years I have been on a journey identifying myself as a pastor. As you can probably tell I am not your traditional “pastor” material. I don’t have a seminary degree. I didn’t feel the call to ministry as a young child. I still struggle to identify exactly what it is that God wants me to do for him. But nonetheless, I find myself more and more surrendered to his purpose and feeling more and more comfortable with what he has called me to. It’s kind of like wearing sandals on the wrong feet. At first it is really uncomfortable but after a while you get used to it and eventually the sandals form themselves to your feet. (Now that is a really weird analogy, but its the first thing that came to mind.)
So the scripture this morning hit me hard. I am a shepherd. The events of the past week have reinforced that. I have a couple of really close friends who are struggling mightily and are seeking me for counsel. I have been working to organize our Backyard Bible Club outreach this past week. In some cases I have been bossy. In others I have been focused on what I get out of it. The bottom line is that I have felt overwhelmed and inadequate.
God is gracious and he doesn’t call me to anything that I am going to detrimentally fail at. And even if I do I know that He will still be there loving me just the same and the failure will serve as a catalyst for whatever next comes up. So here I am like a newborn calf stumbling around acting as a shepherd to people who are seriously hurting and broken when I myself am pretty much the same. But they look up to me. They want me to sympathize with them. They want me to lead them.
I’m so unworthy. I’m so flawed. I’m so imperfect.
God is so good. God is so sovereign. God is so everywhere.
How do you deal with situations you are unprepared for? Where do you find hope in the midst of chaos and pain?
P.S. I’m not particularly melancholy today. This was just on my heart and it comes from a continuing journey of purpose.